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Listen to this poem 'I wish'

See explanation

I wish I was a bi-cy-cy-clist
with a lump on my head
no it's not a tumour
it's a sebacious cyst

I wish I was a dai-ai-ai-sy
growing in the grass so green
lots of white little petals
blowing to the left in the breeze
I hope someone doesn't pick me
make me into a daisy chain
'cause that would be awful
and I'd die in pain

I wish I was a four-leafed-clover
full of nice good luck
one leaf more than the others
I'd really show them up
people would really like me
and keep me in a book
the others would be trodden on
'cause they didn't have 'the look'

I wish I was a four leafed clover
with lots of nice good luck
owned by a little green leprechaun
or a hobbit called Mr Tuck
One of them from Ireland born
the other from Middle Earth
both of them quite fictional
along with their waistly girth

I wish I was a bunny rabbit
with little flopsy ears
bouncing with the other fluffies
for years and years and years
I've got lots of kiddies
with cute and fluffy tails
some of them are shag-bait
the others, they're just males

I wish I was a rabid butterfly
flapping through the night
land on someone's shoulder
give them quite a fright
with my frothing proboscis
I would look reak ick
stick it through your ear lobe
you would get real sick

I wish that I could fly-y
with a pair of wings
flap flap flap to heaven
on the day I die

I wish I was a moochie kitty-kat
lying on a wall
no I am not screaming
this is my musical call
don't dare throw a boot at me
I would get quite cross
I could find your door mat
and on it I would pee
such an arrogant feline
padding down the road
right away from your doorstep
where I left my load



See explanation

R:
I wish you'd just stop writing verses
although they're all in rhyme
'cause I really just can't help but think
you're only wasting time

I:
I wish I was a black-board
so you could write on me with chalk
I would then pay attention
and listen to you while you talk

R:
I wish you were a little dog
all nice and soft and furry
I'd take you for a nice long walk
then put you in a curry

I:
You could call me Korma
so I could be quite mild
but I'm not a doggy
I'm just a nice sweet child

R:
You call yourself a 'nice sweet child'?
Oh please don't make me laugh
Because if you aren't really careful
you're gonna make me barf

I:
You're gonna stick your fingers
right on down your throat
but you're only jealous
I'm sorry I started to gloat
If you pull your fingers out
we could call it even
or I could stick my fingers up
and laugh at you while you pout

R:
Now I've read your little poems
and all the crap you've penned
I'd like to ask a simple question
how was your weekend?

I:
we all went over to Geoffs place
he showed us all his goods
it wasn't as bad as it could be
we got to meet Mr & Mrs Woods

R:
I really just have to ask
I've been racking my brains
why on earth are we talking
in all of these refrains?

I:
Well why the heck shouldn't we
don't you think it's fun?
much better than this lecture
which is quite a lot of bum

R:
I don't think that's very fair
your comment's rather rum
you see it just so happens
I'm pretty fond of bum

I:
Have you been revising SDS gel
electrophoresis
'cause we have to answer questions
and the topic is on this

R:
It just so happens that I know
a bit about SDS-PAGE
so stop asking silly questions
and try to act your age

I:
why do you keep insulting me?
I don't think that's quite fair
at least I'm not a horsey
a stallion or a mare

R:
Oh I'm sorry I hurt you
I'm full of much remorse
and you're right in your last poem
you're really not a horse

I:
But I wish I was an animal
with lots and lots of teeth
maybe I could be a sharkey
and bite you from underneath

R:
I can see that you have made your choice
you seem most resolute
but are you sure that you would not
prefer to be a newt?

I:
Although they go in water too
it's hardly quite the same
I might get flushed down the loo
and that would be insane

R:
Hrm, could be you have a point
however just the same
you could be a salamander
and be immune to flame

I:
Being immune to such heat
just don't cut the mustard
what about the toilet ducky
or bowls and bowls of custard?

R:
I thought I'd stay at yours tonight
so's I needn't drive so far
and to stop us being hungry
there's a pizza in my car

I:
Well although I get quite famished
I just won't go that far
it might be good for driving in
but I just won't eat your car

R:
I wonder, do you know for sure
if stu's coming to my game tonight?
If he does I'm afraid he's in
for something of a fright




See explanation

I wish I was called Ciao-Mau
a little eye-tye git
I think that I am clever
but all I talk is shit

I wish I was called Stu-art
a Shadowrun GM
yes I admit I rail-road
in fact it's quite an art

I wish I was called Richard
a Londoner at heart
but bits of me like Shee-eep
they really make me hard

I wish I was Giovanni
with lots of chicken lines
you all think I'm barmy
you've told me lots of times

I wish I was called Geoffry
the youngest of the group
I think that I am sexy
but I just make you want to puke

I'm glad I am not a right git
who listens to anime songs
I'd deserve killing a bit
for commiting all those wrongs

I wish that I could be dead
with no work to do
maybe hit by a bus
or die peacefully in bed

I am going to kill you
if you don't turn that off
it is quite annoying
everyone hates it too
if you say that you won't
I am going to freak
smack your head into a wall
just see if I don't
it's gong tobe a slaughter
I'll chop you into bits
blood will go everywhere
with me in hysterical laughter

I must note that the last three verses were written while listening to someone playing anime music over and over and over again. And I hate anime, and I hate anime music!!!


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